


Davekat Shit

by rosebudAutomaton



Category: Homestuck, davekat - Fandom
Genre: Davekat Week 2018, M/M, Meteorstuck, Slow Burn, Trolls (Homestuck), dave being an idiot, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-05 07:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosebudAutomaton/pseuds/rosebudAutomaton
Summary: Some good ol’ metrorstuck in the year if our lord 2018. Take my horrible word vomit as I force feed it to you via spoon. I’m making those dumbass helicopter noises too. Open up bitchass.





	1. Yo what the fuck?

Your name is Dave Strider and you have no idea what's going on.  
You're out here prepping for death, and the next thing you know, you're on a meteor with a bunch of trolls and your Newley-revealed-to-be-sister Rose.  
And this is going to be your life for the next three years.  
It's been a week, and you sort of have all your stuff alchemized in the place you have claimed as your room, and you've pretty much explored all that your willing to explore. This place is massive and full of dark hallways that don't actually lead anywhere.  
You used to be able to sit in your room for days on end, both trying to avoid Bro and having nothing better to do, but now that Earth's been destroyed, you've gained time powers, and died a few times (at least), drawing SBAHJ alone in your room for a few years doesn't seem interesting. Even if it would be the totally ironic. And have nothing to do with you just not wanting to run into Vriska again. Yeah.  
You carefully navigate around all the cords on your floor, and exit into the hallway. The first thing you're greeted with is shouting down the hall. Sounds fun. You decide you better head that way.  
At the end of the hallway, there's a kitchen area where you find Everyone else watching this fight go down. Rose looks slightly amused while Terezi sits on a counter, swinging her legs and wearing a shit eating grin. Kanaya is standing next to Rose looking concerned. Vriska is sitting on another counter looking smug while Karkat is pointing a finger at her and being angry. You'd call it a fight, but Vriska doesn't seem mad and Karkat is doing most of the talking.  
"I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU SERKET. WE'VE BEEN DOING FINE UNTIL NOW AND I REALLY DONT SEE HOW YOU HAD TO GO AND FUCK THAT UP."  
Kanaya cuts in, "Well, Half Of Us Are Dead Karkat."  
"I OBVIOUSLY MEAN BESIDES THAT. I MEANT IN THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT OF VRISKA NOT BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING SHITRAG TO ME SPECIFICALLY."  
"Well don't get your 8ulge in a knot k8rklesparkle." Vriska smiles.  
Karkats face is visibly red and Vriska only seems to make it worse.  
"Yo, anyone gonna explain what the fuck is happening or is Karkat just gonna yell for a few hours about nothing." You cut in  
Everyone turns their attention to you.  
"IT IS NOT NOTHING STRIDER. YOU CANT JUST WALK IN HERE WITH YOUR ANNOYING GOD TEIR PAJAMAS AND UNNECESSARY SUNGLASSES AND TRY TO MAKE THIS CONVERSATION ABOUT YOU. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU NEED THEM? WERE INSIDE AND IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF DARK. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN SEE SHITWAD-"  
Terezi cuts him off before he can keep going.  
"VR1SK4 BURNT 4LL OF H1S SH1TTY ROM4NC3 MOV13S."  
"THEY ARE NOT SHITTY. THEY ARE INTRICATE COMMENTARIES ON THE COMPLEX TOPIC THAT IS ALTERNIAN ROMANCE."  
"SUR3 TH1NG KK"  
"Can You Not Just Alchemize More?" Kanaya adds. It doesn't seem to have the effect she wanted.  
"THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT. VRISKA JUST WENT AND DESTROYED ALL MY SHIT AND IM ALLOWED TO GET MAD OVER THAT."  
"What are you n8t allowed to get mad 8ver?"  
Before Karkat can respond, Rose sighs dramatically and finally speaks.  
"Karkat, we all know that Vriska is the opitomy of kindness and empathy, but could we please stop the shout fest and actually find a solution? Dave," you're surprised to be pulled into the conversation. "You seem to be competent with alchemization since that's all you've been doing since we arrived on this meteor, so why don't you take Karkat and help him remake whatever Vriska destroyed."  
"Sure thing." You aren't gonna sit here and argue with Rose. Too bad, it was just getting good, and it was nice to have all the noise, but you guess Karkat will bring plenty of that noise with him.  
Karkat mumbles something under his breath and walks over to you. His shoulders are arched up and his arms are crossed. "WELL STRIDER? ARE WE GOING OR NOT."  
You don't even respond. Just crack him a smug smile and start walking.


	2. When troll Harry met troll Sally

Chapter 2  
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you’re so done with everyone on this gog forsaken fucking space rock.   
You thought you could do it. You really did. You thought you could bring some sense of coherence to this insufferable group of asshole wigglers (yourself included) but all you’ve ended up with is a egotistical shitwad, coolkid gamergirl, some gothic human you don’t have an opinion on and Kanaya because apparently everyone else has died or fucked off to who knows where.

Oh and that douche with the sunglasses who is currently leading you down a dark and foreboding hallway you haven’t been down before. Just as soon as you think you have this place mapped out, this asswipe comes in and finds a way to mess all that up. You hate this fucking meteor.

He gets to wherever he’s heading and unlocks the door making a grand gesture with his infuriatingly long arms. “Welcome to my humble abode Vantass.”  
“NOW YOU LISTEN HERE STRIDER IF YOU CALL ME THAT SHIT ONE MORE TIME I WILL TAKE YOUR DUMB FUCKING AVIATORS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS SO HELP ME.”  
You start walking as you talk. Multitasking or whatever the fuck.   
“AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING LOCK ON YOUR DOOR? WHAT DO YOU DO IN HERE ALL DAY? “  
You’re too busy going off on Dave to see the mess of cords on his floor, and you end up tripping and falling right on your face which gets a laugh from him and doesn’t really help your constant mood of being at 100% all the time.   
You don’t think you’ve ever actually heard him laugh.  
Or smile for that matter.  
He doesn’t stop though. He’s straight up on the floor cackling and holding his sides.   
He calms down a bit and catches you staring, and he immediately tries to go back to stoic, but he just looks flustered.  
“I- uh. Anyway you were-.” He takes a second and gestures around erratically.  
“What exactly do you need to alchemize?”  
You sigh, kind of exhausted with this whole situation. 

“I just want my movies back.”

“Woah there dude I didn’t know you were capable of an inside voice.”

“CAN WE NOT DO THIS? CAN YOU JUST POOF UP ALL MY SHIT VRISKA DECIDED TO SET ON FIRE OR HIDE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK? PLEASE?”

“And he’s back.”

You glare at Dave and you can feel him rolling his eyes behind those obnoxious fucking glasses. He turns to his alchemizer and starts hitting some buttons? You’re not really sure. His alchemizer is way more suped up that yours and he’s obviously spent some time on it. He stops and turns to you. 

“Yeah, I’m not actually doing anything I just made some AJ. Can’t actually alchemize your shitty romcoms if I don’t know what they’re called or about or look like dude.”

“STOP MAKING UP WORDS. WHAT THE FUCK IS AJ?”

Strider puts a hand to his chest in mock offense. Wait no. He’s actually offended. 

“Are you seriously going to sit here in my own home and tell me you don’t know what AJ is?”

“YES! I LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT! NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS?”

“AJ. Gods nectar. Apple Juice.”

You make an exasperated noise and cut him off. 

“HOLY FUCK STRIDER I KNOW WHAT APPLE-JUICE IS. I JUST DON’T ABBREVIATE IT LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE UP ABBREVIATIONS STIDER. THATS NOT HOW SHIT WORKS.”

“Oh shut up and drink the fucking AJ before you pop a blood vessel.”

He tosses the bottle your way and you catch it out of spite. And drink the whole thing. Out of spite. Also it’s kind of really good. Dave sits down on the floor like a fucking animal and soon enough you join him cause the whole sitting/standing dynamic feels really awkward. 

“So tell me about your alien chick flicks,” Dave finally says.

You’re leaning on the bed behind you and your not sure what time it is, but your whole body says it’s too-late o’ clock. 

“they’re not chick flicks for the last time. They’re deep commentary on the complex idea that is romance. Of course you wouldn’t get it because your race is dumb and only has one quadrant.”

He doesn’t comment on your tone this time and you get the idea that he’s getting kind of tired too. He’s leaning forward with one cheek pressed up against his hand as he rests his head there. He’s quiet for a minute.

“Then tell me about it.”

You’re kind of taken aback by his tone. Was that? Genuine Sincerity? Out of Dave Striders stupid fucking mouth?

“Har har Strider I’m not about to start spilling my guts about something I’m genuinely interested in so that you can laugh at me.”

He keeps pressing. “Dude. I’m like, 100% serious here.”

You think about it for a minute. Maybe this once, he isn’t bullshitting you. So you give in.   
“Promise?”

“I, Dave Middle Name Strider do swear that I am legitimately interested in your nerdy troll romance.”  
Then, he held out his pinky finger in your direction. You roll your eyes but appreciate the sentiment.

“Fucking wiggler.” You mutter before begrudgingly finishing the sacred soul binding pact that is the pinky swear. 

“Alright so spill.” He’s sitting sort of upright now, but he’s got horrible posture. “I’ve heard the term quadrant thrown around a lot let’s start there.”

“Ok, I’m gonna put this in the simplest fucking terms I can cause I could talk about this for days Strider. Literal fucking days.” 

“Alright dude enough with the hyping just start already.”

You sigh a little and reposition yourself on the floor, still leaning against Dave’s bed. 

“Ok, so Alternian romance is split up into four quadrants. There’s Redrom and Blackrom. The first quadrant is flushed red, and that’s the closest thing to human romance. It’s called matespriteship.”

“That’s a lot of vocabulary very fast.” Dave quips, but you can tell he’s still listening,so you ignore him and keep going.

“The other red quadrant is pale. It’s called moirailegance and the goal is to keep each other grounded and emotionally stable.”

“So like... really good bros?”

“Strider I- I fucking guess yeah if you wanna take all the soul out of it.”

“Damn ok I’ll shut up.”

“No it’s fine I guess it is a complicated subject.

Dave shifts so he’s leaning back on his hands and you take that as signal to keep going. 

“Then there’s the black quadrants. The easier of the two to explain is Kismesisstude, or the caliginous quadrant. Healthy kismesis is born out of both parties having equal hatred for each other, but still some amount of begrudging respect. It’s a strong rivalry I guess.”

“Oh wait I remember Rose talking about this.” His smile is chaotic. “Isn’t that the hate-fuck one?”

You let out an exasperated noise.

“Dave, please stop trying to translate this for your tiny fucking human brain out loud. It physically hurts me. You are bringing me great pain.”

Dave snorts. “Sure dude. Got it.”

“The ashen quadrant is kind of hard to explain.”

You pause, trying to put this into the simplest terms so it could maybe get into Dave’s thick fucking scull.

“Give me the dumbed down Strider approved version please.”

“Fuck um... troll who makes sure two other trolls don’t kill each other.”

“See? How hard was that?”

“I just lost so many brain cells saying that. You don’t understand.”

Dave’s back to sitting forward.

“So, what’s the goal here. Catch em’ all Pokémon style or...?”

“No idea what that means, but ideally, yes, you wanna fill up all the quadrants.”

“Weird.”

“What?”

“Well, human romance is typically just one relationship and anything else is pretty frowned upon cause that’s cheating.”

“Your only supposed to have one troll in each quadrant.”

Dave shrugged, but you could tell he was still put off. You open your mouth to say something but stop. You look anywhere but Dave’s face and take a deep breath.

“I’ve kind of... always had a little bit of trouble with having multiple quadrants.” 

You’re almost whispering, and you can feel your face get hot, but your not worried since it’s dark in here and on top of that Dave is wearing his obnoxious fucking shades. You’ve never said this outloud.

“Just- I- please don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“Why?”

You’re eyebrows knit together. “It’s just. It’s not normal in Alternia I guess.”

“Oh so it’s like being gay on Earth.”

“What.”

“You know. When you’re a guy and you like other guys.”

“Is this that homosexual shit John was on about? Why do you guys even have a name for that. It’s pretty fucking normal back on Alternia.”

“Oh uh- I mean- so...”

“What? Spit it out.”

“So like you’re...?”

“I’m what? Gay? Trolls don’t really have terms like that. It’s just kind of a matter of ‘oh I like/love/hate this person.”

Dave’s quiet. “Ok.”

“So is that it?”

He thinks for a minute, then perks up as he seems to come to a realization. 

“So, I guess this is more of a cultural thing, but earlier John threw that note down in that bucket and you freaked out what was the deal with that?”

You stand up and turn away from him so he can’t see you look of utter horror. 

“NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. I AM NOT DOING THIS TODAY. TOO LATE FOR THIS SHIT.”

“Come on. It’s only 10:19”

“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?”

“Dude.” Dave gestures to his stupid fucking god tier pajamas. “Time player.”

You sit back down, hoping that the subject stays changed. 

“Right I knew that.”

“Sure buddy.”

you reluctantly sit back down, but you make sure Dave sees you glaring at him. He does, and breaks your third streak of awkward silence.

“Ok, so do you know which movies you’re missing?”

“I remember some of the combinations but I just... it took a long time to get them all.”

He tilts his head, puzzled. 

“We’ve only been here for a week.”

You mirror him, “no, you’ve been here for a week. I’ve been here since your session started.”

He sits upright. “Oh shit dude I didn’t realize... fuck.”

He kind of looks impressed, but for what your not sure. 

“Whatever. Can you just boot up the alchemizer and I’ll put in the first few.”

He nods, punching in some numbers and setting up stations, he finally steps back, and a few minutes later, you a have a small stack of random movies. Dave is looking through them puzzled.

“These all look like movies from Earth but with long ass titles.”

“They’re similar, but troll films are far superior and a lot of them don’t have Earth counterparts.”

“Weird..”

He picks one up and immediately he perks up. He raises the copy up to show you. 

“Can we please watch Troll When Harry Met Sally.”

You’re kind of already getting frustrated trying to figure out the combinations, so your glad to have an excuse to take a break. 

“I thought you didn’t watch “chick flicks” Strider.”

He looks flustered again, and you have no fucking clue why.

“It’s ironic asswipe.” 

You don’t believe him, but you don’t press. Instead, you take your husk top out of your sylladex and hold your hand out for the disk. He takes it out of its case but hold onto it. He’s starting between you and the disk with a puzzled look. 

“What now?”

“Why is it? A hexagon?”

“Cultural fucking differences just hand me the disk.”

He shuts up and hands it over, and you queue it up, moving so your sitting next to him instead of across from him. 

Then the movie starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I’m doing can you tell? I’m gonna try and update this once a week or more if I feel like it. Enjoy?? I fucking guess??


	3. 3XTR3M3 T33NZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small Terezi break to set some stuff up, we’ll be back to the boys soon.   
> Sorry it’s so short, next update will be longer   
> Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you are surrounded by a bunch of weenie babies.  
Sure, it can be entertaining and when Karkat gets mad it is definitely insanely hilarious, but in small doses.

Having to listen to him scream at Vriska for days on end is not going to roll. 

Sure, you guess Dave is gonna try and alchemize his shit back but Karkat’s still gonna hold a grudge and knowing those two losers, they probably stopped getting shit done about 10 minutes in.

So here you are, outside Vriska’s respiteblock about to serve some cold hard JUST1C3.

When she doesn’t answer, you decide to just kick the door down. You see Vriska in the corner with her husktop tapping away. Probably pestering someone instead of just getting up and talking to them face to face.  
She looks up at you, only slightly annoyed.

“You kn8w you could’ve just op8ned it.”

“TH4T WOULDN’T H4V3 B33N 4S FUN! WH3R3’S YOUR S3NC3 IF 4DV3NTUR3 VR1S?”

Vriska rolled her eyes and stayed there way longer than necessary. She seemed to know exactly why you were here.

“List8n, I’m not going to appol8gize to Vantas McGreasynu8s.”

Not surprised. But also not what you came here for.

“WHY D1D YOU DO 1T?” You shrug.

Vriska looks confused by the question, probably taken aback my someone actually questioning her. After a second, she regains her nonchalant posture and mimics your shrug.

“I was 8ored. All you fucking l8sers have 8een holed up in your rooms for the past week.”

Your not really satisfied with the answer. Not that you didn’t think she answered the question, you just didn’t like her reasoning. 

But you guess it has been pretty dead around here lately. The whole fiasco in the kitchen had been really fun. Not just because of Karkat, just seeing everyone in the same room. 

So, you hatch a plan. If you try to do anything with the whole group, Karkat will just fight with Vriska, so you’ll have to make her apologize. Or...  
You’ve got it.

“YOU D1DN’T D3STROY TH3 MOV13S D1D YOU.” You grin. Best fucking legislacerator ever.

Vriska’s expression turns sour. “So? Wh8t if I didn’t?”

You point the end of your cane at her, level with her nose. “JUST G3T TH3M OK?”

Vriska opens her mouth to protest, but you shook her a friendly glare and she shuts up. She moves to a shelf, knocks the entire thing to the ground, and grabs a stack of disks. She hold them out to you, and you shake your head, walking out of the room Sure that she’ll follow. She does, but about halfway to Dave’s room, she stops.

“Nononono. I will absolutely not apol8gize to Vantas if that’s what your getting at.” Vriska holds the movies to her chest defensively.

You sigh, a bit annoyed that she doesn’t just read you mind. You hate having to explain plans.

“W3LL, 1F W3’R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 4 P4RTY, YOU’R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO W1N B4CK KK.” You say very matter-o-fact.

Vriska’s expression brightens, but she stops after realizing she’ll have to swallow her pride and talk to Vantas. You watch her come to some sort of conclusion.

“I’ll do it, but 8nly if you meet my demands.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “4ND WH4T WOULD THOS3 B3?”

She hold up one finger, “I get to hel8 plan the party.”

You nod. “1 THOUGHT W4S 1MPL13D.”

She holds up another one. “You don’t make me apol8gize to Vantas, and I’ll just hand him the stack.”

You think about it for a sec. Karkat will probably be too happy to see his movies to get that mad at Vriska. Sure, he’ll probably do some half assed yelling, but you can handle that. And he’ll probably get exited about a party. The guys a romantic for teen cliches.

So you agree. Vriska reluctantly makes the rest of the trek to Dave’s room, and you watch her knock on the door. When no one answers, she knocks again, this time with more force, so much so that her hand goes through the door. She pulls it back out, a bit frustrated, then looks to you. 

“Am I allow8d to kick it down?” 

You grin mischievously. Dave can make a new one if he wants. 

“DO 1T.”

So she does. Inside, Dave shoots up from where he had been asleep on Karkats shoulder. He scrambled to his feet into a defensive position before realizing it was just you and Vriska. Karkat groggily rubbed his eyes and looked up, first seeing you, then Vriska. He looked like he was about to say something when his eyes landed on the stack of movies in Vriska’s hand. 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL SERKET.”

Vriska didn’t respond, just smiled pointedly, set the stack of movies on the floor, and walked away. 

Dave looked at you confused, but you just shrugged. you didn’t really feel like explaining shit again. You started to head toward Vriska, then poked your head back in the doorway. 

“B3 1N TH3 M41N ROOM 1N AN HOUR.”

Karkat let out a frustrated snort. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING.”

“4 P4RTY DUMMY.”

That seemed to shut him up, as his eyes widened and Dave smiled excitedly.

“4LR1GHT. S33 YOU THEN.” You called before turning on your heel and running to catch up with Vriska.

You had a party to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna try for another update on Friday, but I’m still trying to figure out schedules.
> 
> If you wanna chat in between updates, I have a pretty bare tumblr that’s @ burnthewhitch  
> (I know witch isnt spelled right, I’m just a lazy ass wipe that’s m not really in the mood to change it.)
> 
> And I have an insta I’m more active on that’s @ meepmoorp_
> 
> Hope you enjoyed uwu


	4. Dave ‘I don’t need a recipe’ Strider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late sorry

Terezi leaves you with a confused Karkat, a comically large stack of Alternian Romance flicks, and a busted door. You’re pretty par for the course.

You turn to Karkat. “I didn’t think trolls had parties.”

He shrugged, looking kind of uncomfortable. “It’s kind of one of those things you only see in movies unless you’re a high blood, but I don’t really wanna get into that.”

You throw some of the blankets you had lying on the floor back onto your bed, but that doesn’t help the state of your room. It looked like a hurricane had swept through and your now kicked in door that was lying in the middle of the hallway didn’t help. 

“I guess now’s your chance huh? I mean, both of our worlds have kind of been destroyed so social norms are kind of whatever the fuck we say it is.”

Karkat thinks about that for a minute. “I guess you’re right Strider. For once.”

“Hey. I am full of nothing but non stop fucking wisdom. I am a fountain of pure nuggets of life advice gold. Nothing but prestige gems leak out of my mouth 24/7. I-“

He cuts you off before you can monologue any longer.

“Please. Dave I’m fucking begging you. Stop.”

You shrug and raise your eyebrows defensively. “But you aren’t saying I’m wrong.”

He huffs, annoyed. “I swear to fuck Strider if one word comes out of your insufferable fucking mouth I will break your bone bulge so help me.”

You waggle your eyebrows suggestively. “No clue what half of that meant but I’m down.”

Karkat gives you an intense glare and you give him yet another shrug. 

“We didn’t even get to finish the movie.” You sigh.

“Well maybe if SOMEBODY hadn’t decided to fall asleep at THE BEST FUCKING PART.”

You plop down on your bed. “I don’t think I’ve actually done that in a few days” you laugh half heartedly.

Karkat looks at you confused. “Oh whatever. It’s fine just... keep it.”

You perk up at him. “Really?”

He glares at the stack of movies in his arms. “Well, yeah. I don’t really need it.”

You smile at him. “Cool.

After another second of that, heads to the hallway and halfheartedly kicks the door. 

“Are we gonna fix this or?”

You roll your eyes. “No man, I’m kind of digging this new setup.”

He gives you what feels like the 50 millionth glare today, grabs his husktop, and turns to leave.

You’re about to let him go before you realize that’s mean you alone in your room for an hour having to clean up the additions to your regular mess caused by Vriska being in here for two seconds. So you catch up with him and turn him around by the shoulder.

“Can we see if TZ needs help?”

He gives you a suspicious look before reluctantly agreeing. The two of you head out to the common room to see Vriska standing on a chair and spreading around some ripped up scraps of paper and Terezi wrapped in a mound of multi-colored streamers on the floor. 

“How. Just,, fucking how.”

Terezi perks up in your direction and flashes that chaotic smile.  
“D4V3! 1 TOLD YOU TO ST4Y 1N YOUR ROOM.”

“No you didn’t.” 

She squints at you. “HUH GU3SS YOU’R3 R1GHT. YOU’LL JUST H4V3 TO H3LP M3 OUT.”

You give Karkat a questioning look and he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure.” He huffs.

Vriska ignores the two of you and continues tearing up paper and scattering it around. Meanwhile Terezi looks at you both expectantly. You guess she doesn’t have a plan.

“Well I guess we’ll need... food?” You try.

Terezi nods. “SOUNDS GOOD.” She then turned back to her pile of streamers and began trying to untangle them, and failing. You think about trying to help, but Karkat’s already in the kitchen haphazardly taking out random shit from cabinets. You decide to head over after he pours waaaaay to much salt into a bowl. Terezi’s got this.

You lightly shove him out of the way and pour the salt back into its container. “Alright dude. I’m head bitch here now.”

He scowls, but you can tell he’s relieved. Plus, you finally get to test out your baking skills. You never had the ingredients or equipment on hand on Earth, since your household was pretty much just swords, smupetts, and whatever else bro found ‘ironic’ that week. 

You used to talk about it with Jade, though she mostly talked about the science of it. You always liked the idea of being able to pull a bunch of shit, putting it together, and making something completely different. Also, sweets. Obviously.

“Ok um... what are we gonna make?”

“If it wasn’t already perfectly clear, I have no fucking clue.” Karkat added helpfully.

You let out a sigh and think for a minute before deciding on chocolate chip cookies. 

Can’t go wrong with chocolate chip cookies man.

Your spot on the counter is by the fridge, so you start gathering up what you can from there. To literally fucking no ones surprise though, the fridge is a desolate wasteland. Your guessing everyone’s been on a diet of hot pockets like you. Or whatever the troll equivalent is. 

You start trying to figure out how to alchemize milk and eggs and shit and so far all you’ve come up with is a stuffed chicken. Not very helpful, but somehow Terezi has already swooped in and claimed it. You didn’t even see her walk over to the kitchen. 

You turn to see Karkat in the pantry, which is in slightly better shape. There’s a bunch of stuff you don’t recognize, but it seems like Rose stocked it up at some point. You ask Karkat to grab the flour, and after some struggle, he reaches for the salt.

You sigh and walk over, reaching for a bag on the top shelf, but when he sees, he pushes his way in front of you and struggles to reach it. It’d be easy for you to just grab, so you try to reach over Karkat as he stands in the very tips of his toes and strains his arm. He ends up elbowing you in the stomach, and as you recoil, he knocks the flour off of the top shelf. You back up quickly, avoiding the avalanche, but Karkat isn’t as lucky.

“Come on man, watch out for the god tier jams.” You say gesturing to them.

Karkat’s face goes red as he motions toward the mess around him. He doesn’t even say anything.

You nod in understanding, head over to the alchemizer, and comeback with two aprons. Yours is a signature ‘CH3RRY R3D’ as Terezi calls it, and Karkat’s has a floral design on it. You toss it his way.

“THAT DOESNT REALLY HELP NOW DOES IT STRIDER?”

You hold up your hands in defense. “Hey, I tried to help.”

 

Karkat stomps off, apron in hand, and you continue to gather ingredients. After a few more failed attempts, you finally have eggs, milk, and butter. Thankfully all the dry ingredients were already made and you’re even able to find chocolate chips in the very back. Just as your about to start, Karkat comes back in a de-floured sweater underneath the apron. He joins you in the kitchen, and you both just kind of stare at each other for a second. He’s the first to break the silence. 

“What? Are we going to do this or are you just going to sit there with that dumb fucking look on your face? Cause if that’s what we’re gonna do, then I can just go help Terezi with whatever the fuck it is that she’s doing.”

You shake your head. “No sorry it just,,, I didn’t think you’d actually wear it.”

His face is red and he looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust but you just turn away, letting a little laugh escape, and start mixing up the first half of the ingredients. You crack one of the eggs into the bowl and carnations looks at it, eyes wide and mouth open in disgust. 

“Wh- why is that cluckbeast ova orange??”

Troll words will never cease to amuse you. You give him a shrug. “That’s just how eggs are dude.” 

He stares at it for another second before sheepishly grabbing the next one and attempting to crack it into the bowl. It takes him a few times before he actually hits it on the rim hard enough, and there are some pieces of shell in there, but you appreciate the effort. 

The two of you continue adding everything in, Karkat following your lead, when its time to stir it all up. You plug a handheld electric mixer into the wall and flip a switch. The two whisks on it whir to life and Karkat jumps as they do. 

“What the FUCK is that thing.”

You turn it off. And hold it in his direction. “Wanna try?” You ask.

He reluctantly agrees and turns it back on after a second of looking for the switch. Some better flys in his face, but after a second he starts to get the hang of it. 

One everything is all mixed up, you pop out the two whisks, handing him one and eating the batter of of yours. He gives you another disgusted look. 

“What?” 

He lets out a breath before mumbling, “your gross.” And following suit. 

Once you finish, you dump those in the sink and portion the cookies out, sticking them in the oven. 

You dust of your hands. “What next?”

Karkat pulls out some random snacks and is spending way too much energy on making the playing nice. There’s a plate of crackers, some Oreos arranged in little stacks, and something that definitely Alternian. 

You decide to contribute by throwing some hot pockets in the microwave. The two of you bring the plates out to where Terezi and Vriska are. Terezi has actually managed to untangle the streamers and hang them around, and Vriska tore up a SHIT TON of paper that’s now a thin blanket on the ground. Not bad. 

Terezi turns to you as you enter.  
“D4V3 WH4T DO3S MY COOL T33N P4RTY N33D?”

You’ve set all of the food down on a coffee table that sits in the middle of the room.  
“Well, we gotta move this. There needs to be room for us all to sit in a circle and play truth or dare.”

Terezi grins. “P3RF3CT.”

Vriska walks over and helps you move it out of the way, then finally speaks up. “Y8u should go g8t Rose and Kanaya.”

You mock salute before motioning for Karkat to come with. No way you’re leaving those two alone in a room with no supervision but Terezi. Also, you could use the company.

This party is going to be some good shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me truth or dare prompts >:]


	5. Chaos and shouting from a grumpy asshole who does t know any other way to express emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise not to make you wait as long for another update but here you go

You and Dave arrive at Rose’s room. You’d offered to go to Kanaya’s (which was pretty close to Rose’s) but Dave said they were probably both here.  
Then he did that annoying thing with his eyebrows.  
You knock three times- a little harder than you mean to- and Rose answers shortly after, cracking the door open to reveal Kanaya sitting on her floor, legs crossed and looking up from a book with a curious expression. Before Rose can ask why you knocked, Dave opens his fucking mouth. 

“Are y’all two ready for the fuckin partaaaaay?”

Everyone else in the general vicinity, including yourself, give him a look with a mix of concern and disgust. His shoulders lower a bit and he groans, reading everyone’s reactions instead of you having to actually say anything.

“Ugh whatever. Just come on before Terezi and Vriska eat all the snacks.”

Rose looks at Kanaya, and after she nods, closes the door. You and Dave stand there for an awkward second before Rose pokes her head back out. “Pajamas. Obviously.”

Dave looks at you, eyebrows raised and you’re guessing eyes wide behind those annoying shades. “Pajamas.” He says in an excited whisper. He rushes off, and you reluctantly follow.

The two of you get back to Dave’s mess of a room, and you carefully step around the knocked down door. Dave is already tapping away on his alchemizer.

You stand there for a second, not knowing what to do, but Dave conjures up a pair for himself that have candy red pants and a white shirt with matching red sleeves. The front just says ‘Penis’ in bold letters. Before you can ask, he holds his hand out, motioning for you to hand him something. When you don’t, he turns to you. 

“I’m gonna need a copy of your sweater if you wanna keep up the nice on brand pajama thing going.”

“How about, no.” You don’t wanna tell him that you just don’t have one in your syladex. 

He sighs. “Come on dude. Not everything has to be a thing.”

“I don’t know what your talking about.” You say as you cross your arms and turn your nose up at him.

He gives you a look. Or as much of a look as he can with half his face obscured behind sunglasses. “Come on.” He’s entirely serious. About the fucking Pajamas. You give in.

“Fine but I gotta go get one.” 

Dave gives you a confused look, but follows you to your room without saying anything. You open the door. 

You’re room is the polar opposite of Dave’s shitshow. Everything is in its place and you can actually tell where shit is. Dave gasps.

“Holy shit.” He says under his breath.

You glare at him. “WHAT.”

“Please tell me you have all of your clothes folded all nicely and drawers.” 

“No.” You huff. “My sweaters are hanging up in the closet because I’m not a HEATHEN.”

Dave looks like he’s trying to hold in another laughing fit. You aren’t exactly appreciating it. You haven’t really made up your mind about him and it seems like he hasn’t made his mind up about you either. What’s his deal? One minute he’s this cold asshole and the next he’s just your regular everyday dumbass. Emphasis on dumbass. 

He’s still trying not to laugh. “FUCKING SPIT IT OUT STRIDER. DON’T JUST SIT THERE AND PISS YOURSELF. MAKE SOME DUMB COMMENT ABOUT ME ACTUALLY TAKING THE TIME TO HAVE A NICE LIVING SPACE I CAN ACTUALLY WALK IN.”

“It’s not that.” He says through a smile. He has his hands up defensively. “It’s... cute.”

You can feel your whole face turning red. You turn toward your closet and start rummaging around for a sweater to hide it. But not before managing to throw a quick “FUCK YOU.” his way. 

You pick up a sweater identical to the one you’re currently wearing and begrudgingly toss it his way. He gives it a once over and seems satisfied, turning on his heel and heading back to his room. You follow suite. 

***

As you and Dave walk back to the main room, you’re unsurprised to find everyone else already there. Rose and Kanaya are in these elegant silk pajamas while Terezi and Vriska haven’t bothered to change. Rose makes eyes at Dave’s shirt. You have no idea what it means, but get the idea it’s something gross or dumb or both. 

You ended up wearing your regular sweatpants and sweater, except Dave changed the symbol on the front on its side so it now read 69. You’d tried your best to fight him on it, but he reminded you there were cookies burning in the oven so you eventually gave up. 

Dave makes a beeline for the oven and takes out the cookies that are only a little brown. You catch up, and reach a hand for them but he bats it away. 

“They have to cool off dumbass.”

You let out a frustrated noise before stomping off and joining everyone else. 

Vriska gives you a sarcastic smile. “Glad you two had fun making out, 8ut can we start whatever the fuck this is?”

“LISTEN HERE SERKET AND LISTEN GOOD BECAUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO THIS SHIT ALL NIGHT. DAVE IS AN ABSOLUTE DUMBASS YOU HEAR ME? A BUG FUCKING DUMBASS WHO I HAVE NOT AND NEVER WILL SHARE ANY QUADRANT WITH SO TAKE YOUR BULLSHIT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS OKAY?”

Vriska looks like she’s about to quip back, but Terezi cuts her off. “OK4Y 1T’S T1M3 FOR FUN T33N P4RTY G4M3S.”

Dave pokes his head around the corner, a plate full of cookies in hand. “You legally cannot start this shit show without me TZ.”

She makes a big show of sighing. “GOG D4MM1T D4V3 YOU KNOW 1 C4N’T BR34K TH3 L4W.”

He plops down on the ground and hands you a cookie. You sit down next to him and reluctantly take it. 

As Dave sets the rest on the ground in front of him, Kanaya pipes up. “What Exactly Are We Supposed To Do Dave?”

Rose smiles behind her. “Yes is very much like to know that too Dave. What are we supposed to do.”

Dave gives them a sort of ‘duh this is so fucking obvious’ look. You’re extremely confused. The cocky bastard.

“Well easy. Truth or Dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd You gotta wait for truth or dare I’m sorry.


End file.
